I've been thinking all week about how to update this post. God gave me this verse and it spoke to me big time as you can imagine, it's the patiently part that I'm not so good at. Here is where we are at. It sounds like the birth mother has changed her mind, it's not excactly that simple but that's as far the details as I'm going to get into, because it really doesn't matter at this point. Our profiles went back out to the agencies we were working with orignially, and now we are still waiting. The baby we were waiting on is probally not going to be ours, and we are moving on.
I was doing surprisingly well with it all, I thought I'd be devastated if something like this happened, but I have felt the grace of God around me teaching me and comforting me. I've tried to resist the "why did this happen?" questions and just accept that this wasn't our baby. I've been doing really well with it all accepting it and moving, on. After all, I was the one who always said "there is always a risk with adoption" Now, I'm living it and trying to figure out what God has in store next.
I was doing really well until today. . . I don't feel very patient today, I don't feel very brave or courageous, and really I feel sad. I'm not sure why I'm so emotional today, maybe it's because it's my birthday? I think I will blame it on that, whenever someone asked me, what I want for my birthday, I'd autmatically think our baby. I hope this doesn't sound pathetic. I am so blessed,. I have a super-hero husband, two of the best kids in the world, friends and family who love me, I really couldn't ask for more. It's just hard to wait patiently and surrender this process everyday to the Lord. And it's hard to wonder about a baby girl in a far away state. And wonder why I had the last 7 weeks to pray for her and grow attatched to her and wonder what she's look like in our family.
So there you have it an update. I will be fine. Tomorrow I will wake up and it will be a new day, and I will remember why God gave me this blog name "a season of hope" after all he is the one who gives us hope. So here is to surrendering to him in the good times and the hard times.